Dating in your thirties is weird. It's really not any less cripplingly awkward than I remember it being when I was in my twenties, but it's different. There are some interesting things I've learned during my short semi-successful foray back into the dating game, some of them good, some of them not so good. So one cool thing I've noticed is that girls in their thirties (yes, I'm still calling them girls, I think it's cute when I say it, but it also might be part of the reason I'm only "semi" successful in the dating game) have stopped looking for that bad boy they can rehabilitate into the charming prince. Which is really good for me because I am neither a bad boy nor a prince.
One recent glaring exception to this idea is Sandra Bullock and her thing with notorious bad boy Jesse James. Everyone is freaking out about him cheating on her, like it was some kind of huge surprise. I'm sorry, but who saw him and did not think he was a complete dirtbag? The only thing that is surprising about this whole thing, is how surprised women seem to be by it. So I guess some things never change, no matter how intelligent and clever a woman might be, there just might be a small part of her that still wants to date the guy in the band, or the criminal, or the motorcycle mechanic.
On the flip side, I am finding that while that small part is still there, it seems to be a much smaller part. Where girls were once like, "I want a guy who plays lead guitar, and drives a Trans Am" now they're more like "Oh wow, you can string together a few coherant sentences and you can do a pushup or two!?"Remember that show "My So-Called Life?" Everybody loved that show, I hated it, and because of that show I still hate Jared Leto. Everybody loved that show because apparently it was SO realistic. And that is exactly my problem with it, I was in high school when it was out, and I didn't want to watch a show where people were pretending to do the same stupid things I was doing in real life everyday. There was a character on that show played by the hateful Jared Leto, I think his name was Jordan or Brandon or some other vaguely gay popular kid name. Well anyway, the main character on that show played by Claire Danes was this intelligent, bright, totally attractive and complex girl. All throughout the show she was totally in love with this Jordan character who was an idiot. When they wrote the show they purposefully made it clear he is an idiot, and she is unapologetically in love him.
One recent glaring exception to this idea is Sandra Bullock and her thing with notorious bad boy Jesse James. Everyone is freaking out about him cheating on her, like it was some kind of huge surprise. I'm sorry, but who saw him and did not think he was a complete dirtbag? The only thing that is surprising about this whole thing, is how surprised women seem to be by it. So I guess some things never change, no matter how intelligent and clever a woman might be, there just might be a small part of her that still wants to date the guy in the band, or the criminal, or the motorcycle mechanic.
On the flip side, I am finding that while that small part is still there, it seems to be a much smaller part. Where girls were once like, "I want a guy who plays lead guitar, and drives a Trans Am" now they're more like "Oh wow, you can string together a few coherant sentences and you can do a pushup or two!?"Remember that show "My So-Called Life?" Everybody loved that show, I hated it, and because of that show I still hate Jared Leto. Everybody loved that show because apparently it was SO realistic. And that is exactly my problem with it, I was in high school when it was out, and I didn't want to watch a show where people were pretending to do the same stupid things I was doing in real life everyday. There was a character on that show played by the hateful Jared Leto, I think his name was Jordan or Brandon or some other vaguely gay popular kid name. Well anyway, the main character on that show played by Claire Danes was this intelligent, bright, totally attractive and complex girl. All throughout the show she was totally in love with this Jordan character who was an idiot. When they wrote the show they purposefully made it clear he is an idiot, and she is unapologetically in love him.
"Sometimes the only thing that comforts me when I lie awake at night, is knowing that some day Jared Leto will be dead"
.
The few episodes I was able to stomach came around the same time that I was gathering up the courage to ask this girl to prom. I'd been friends with her for a year or so, and I'm sure it was obvious to everyone that I was crazy about her. Well anyway the day finally came where we were alone long enough for me to toss it out there while I was driving her home "So, Sarah (that's her real name, she deserves to be recognized and punished for this) will you go to the Prom with me?" A long, long silence ensues. "No..."
"No?"
"No, I can't (insert long explanation about how I should ask another girl)"
Like our Claire Danes character, Sarah was a bright, beautiful girl, and about as complex as one can be when you go to a high school that has problems filling both the "Valedictorian" and "Salutatorian" slots at the graduation ceremony. The truth was, she was holding out hope that this football playing, pot smoking cretin that had been hanging out in our circle of friends would ask her. I asked her once much later on what she saw in him, she said "he was mysterious," to which my best friend Darren said "Sarah, still waters do not always run deep." Which I've always thought was a brilliant summation.
It seems the general consensus is that women are soulful and guys are shallow, and I understand where that idea comes from, but I think it gets played up a bit too much. I watched a reality show where they paired up couples based on some vague sense of compatibility. One of the couples was a guy in his thirties who was this well built, healthy guy and since the date included rock-climbing he was able to show off his athleticism. His date seemed nice enough, but she was pretty heavy set and as such, did not fair so well on the rock wall. The couple seemed to have a good time on their date, but it was obvious they weren't really going anywhere romantically. At the end of the date they were interviewing the couples and when the guy came up you could tell he knew what he was in for. He tried his best to be politically correct, but whoever was interviewing him off camera kept pushing until they got what they needed, finally he gave in "Yeah well, I would say that she wasn't really my type, you know physically..." still the invisible interviewer pressed, and he reluctantly answers "Well, I guess her figure was kind of a turn off" and at that the camera goes to the three friends who've been watching the whole time who errupt into boos and hisses at him. I mean, how dare he!? What an outrageously shallow bastard, right?
While I was watching this, I kept thinking, "they are so going to dick this guy for not being into the chubby chick" and I was so right, The thing that gets me about this is that he could have said anything else about that girl; her feet stank, she had a lisp, she was dumb, she had a bad personality and nobody would have beat him up for it. But he makes a comment on her appearance, mind you, one of the few things she can actually do something about and everyone goes crazy. So is he really the shallow one in this equation?
I don't mean to imply that guys aren't shallow, because we totally are. I could go on, but my little column here is about things I've learned, and I always knew that guys were shallow. So moving on.
This part is just for my stupid roommate, who doesn't think zombies are funny or relavent anymore, and I think that might be a good reason why he is still single. I don't want to say that women consciously think "How would this guy fare in the zombie apocalypse?" but it's definitely in there somewhere way down deep in the subconscious part of our brains that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that the robot apocalypse is an "if" while the zombie apocalypse is a "when." The same idea could be passed onto a general evolutionary instinct to look for a mate that is compatible with long-term survival, but that's way boring unless we're using that logic to justify why guys love huge breasts.
But I really think that whatever value I may have in the dating scene might directly correlate to my value in the zombie apocalypse. I am a big guy, I am in good enough shape to be able to run a few miles without stopping, and I can fix household appliances. No matter what horrors await me in the coming apocalypse, I know that my toilet will still work, and that kind of thing is important to the modern classy single lady.
"No?"
"No, I can't (insert long explanation about how I should ask another girl)"
Like our Claire Danes character, Sarah was a bright, beautiful girl, and about as complex as one can be when you go to a high school that has problems filling both the "Valedictorian" and "Salutatorian" slots at the graduation ceremony. The truth was, she was holding out hope that this football playing, pot smoking cretin that had been hanging out in our circle of friends would ask her. I asked her once much later on what she saw in him, she said "he was mysterious," to which my best friend Darren said "Sarah, still waters do not always run deep." Which I've always thought was a brilliant summation.
It seems the general consensus is that women are soulful and guys are shallow, and I understand where that idea comes from, but I think it gets played up a bit too much. I watched a reality show where they paired up couples based on some vague sense of compatibility. One of the couples was a guy in his thirties who was this well built, healthy guy and since the date included rock-climbing he was able to show off his athleticism. His date seemed nice enough, but she was pretty heavy set and as such, did not fair so well on the rock wall. The couple seemed to have a good time on their date, but it was obvious they weren't really going anywhere romantically. At the end of the date they were interviewing the couples and when the guy came up you could tell he knew what he was in for. He tried his best to be politically correct, but whoever was interviewing him off camera kept pushing until they got what they needed, finally he gave in "Yeah well, I would say that she wasn't really my type, you know physically..." still the invisible interviewer pressed, and he reluctantly answers "Well, I guess her figure was kind of a turn off" and at that the camera goes to the three friends who've been watching the whole time who errupt into boos and hisses at him. I mean, how dare he!? What an outrageously shallow bastard, right?
While I was watching this, I kept thinking, "they are so going to dick this guy for not being into the chubby chick" and I was so right, The thing that gets me about this is that he could have said anything else about that girl; her feet stank, she had a lisp, she was dumb, she had a bad personality and nobody would have beat him up for it. But he makes a comment on her appearance, mind you, one of the few things she can actually do something about and everyone goes crazy. So is he really the shallow one in this equation?
I don't mean to imply that guys aren't shallow, because we totally are. I could go on, but my little column here is about things I've learned, and I always knew that guys were shallow. So moving on.
This part is just for my stupid roommate, who doesn't think zombies are funny or relavent anymore, and I think that might be a good reason why he is still single. I don't want to say that women consciously think "How would this guy fare in the zombie apocalypse?" but it's definitely in there somewhere way down deep in the subconscious part of our brains that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that the robot apocalypse is an "if" while the zombie apocalypse is a "when." The same idea could be passed onto a general evolutionary instinct to look for a mate that is compatible with long-term survival, but that's way boring unless we're using that logic to justify why guys love huge breasts.
But I really think that whatever value I may have in the dating scene might directly correlate to my value in the zombie apocalypse. I am a big guy, I am in good enough shape to be able to run a few miles without stopping, and I can fix household appliances. No matter what horrors await me in the coming apocalypse, I know that my toilet will still work, and that kind of thing is important to the modern classy single lady.
