So the Crazy Redneck I talked about earlier came to class with a chip on his shoulder. Last week when we were leaving he got on the elevator with me, and oh boy he was raging. From the very first time I met this guy, I had the impression that he is just a six-pack and a bad day away from killing his whole family. This impression was furthered along when he jumped on my elevator and said to nobody in particular "They want to start me over? I'll punch him in his damn head." If I recall correctly, there were also a few "They're out of their damn minds," interspersed with even more "I'll fucking punch him in the damn head."
That day the object of the Redneck's rage was our lead counselor. Apparently the Redneck missed like five weeks in a row of class, and when he finally showed back up, the counselor told him that he wasn't going to report him to the judge, but that he would have to start over. Which is a pretty good deal to me, considering how many times I was reminded about all the things I could do wrong to get me non-complied and sent back before a judge. At first the Redneck seemed to take it all in stride, calm as a cucumber. But as class went on, he started getting more fidgety, and even somebody as dense to the human condition as myself could tell he was starting to boil. I was actually a little worried that he was going to flip out and start punching walls or something by the time he jumped on my elevator.
So last night, the Redneck shows up to class already fired up. Our lead counselor guy, who I'll call Todd for now, (which isn't his name, but it might as well be considering his real name is equally as boring and it took me over a month to figure out his actual name) asks if any of us want to share anything from our homework assignment. (where we have to talk about an incident that inspired rage or contempt in us from that previous week...I wrote about the treadmills conspiring against me and shutting down trying to kill me when I was sprinting...anyways) Redneck immediately jumps up "I do, oh boy do I ever" So he gets more and more antsy, this guy can't hold still in his chair for more than a second. Todd is like, bring it on dude. I gotta give Todd credit, the Redneck isn't much of a threat, physically speaking, but I've known enough crazy people to know that you shouldn't egg them on, especially when they're already going threatcon yellow. So Redneck guy starts in, "you told me I have to start this program all over, and I had been going here for 2o some odd weeks, and you've let other people miss more classes than me and blah blah blah." Todd just sits back in his chair. Todd fiddles with the pen behind his ear and calmly says
"No, we never let anyone go more than three weeks, that's state law and-"
The Redneck interrupts "NO! Last week you said four weeks. Four!" (I'm pretty sure he didn't actually say that, but I'm not going to interrupt, I'm enjoying the show playing out before me.)
Todd counters, "Well, I see you disagree, but that is the law, and we can hash it out here if you disagree..." Redneck latches onto this phrase: Let's hash it out. He gets all excited, and he's like "Yeah, let's hash it out, let's hash it out right now!" The rest of this story continues with Todd countering him every time he says something like "you've done this before" with a "no we haven't" and then the Redneck fills in all the blanks with "Let's hash it out!" And the end of this story is that Todd never flinches even when I'm thinking that this guy is going to come out of his chair and we're going to have an entire class of batterers trying to stop a fist fight from breaking out. How's that for irony? Todd earned some street cred with me that night, he handled himself and the crazy Redneck pretty deftly. Although I am sure that night his dog probably took the beating Crazy Redneck hoped to dole out to Todd.
Memorial Day Dieting - New PR in running
It's Memorial Day weekend. Which is great for everybody else, but to me, it's like "Crap, how am I going to follow my diet?" Part of me wanted to give up immediately and head for Taco Bell as soon as I got off of work.
Instead, I went and put in some time in the gym on the treadmill. This time, none of them tried to kill me. And I got a PR, I ran 2.58 miles in 20 minutes, while doing the High Point Ladder. I was smokin! For my 10 pace, I ran 10.5 mph, and I've never done that before.
Just for giggles, I weighed myself tonight too. I am a little worried that I won't be as disciplined as I should be this weekend and I wanted to get a good weight before I let the weekend get away from me. I weighed in at 211 lbs. Which means, that once again I didn't lose any scale-weight this week. I'm trying not to be discouraged, but I'd like to see at least a pound here and there disappear.
I only have three more weeks for BFL after this weekend. I gotta kick it up a notch.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
8 Week Progress Pics - Congrats Tim - Treadmill Killer
Today is my 8 week anniversary since starting BFL, so that means I have to take new pics. I had a great leg workout with Tim. And afterward I weighed in at 210 lbs on the dot. I'm not too concerned with my scale weight, as long as I feel like I'm losing fat and gaining muscle, and my pants fit looser and looser I don't care what I weigh.
Big Day for Tim
I have to say that Tim weighed in at under 200 lbs today for the first time. And I was really proud of him, I think in the past seven weeks he's only missed one workout, and from what I can tell he has been really disciplined about his diet. Congratulations Tim!
Friday's Hat Trick
and a quick note on my cardio day yesterday. Fridays are usually my "Speed day," because I drop the elevation down to zero, and I just see how much distance I can cover doing the BFL high point ladder. My record thus far has been 2.52 miles in 20 minutes. I was all set to break my PR yesterday, and I started off feeling good, feeling strong. About the time I was finishing my first cycle, sprinting the machine just shut down. So I had to jump on the machine next to it. About five minutes later, THAT machine shut down, about that time I'm pretty frustrated, and I sort of scream "You gotta be F***ing kidding me!" which gets me all kinds of negative attention in the gym. So I jump on the machine next to that one. And I am really booking I have no idea how far I've gone at this point, but I know I'm way fast for this being my last cycle. On my 10 level, I was running at 9.9 mph (a first for me) and....the machine shut down. I gave up trying to finish, and just cooled down, very frustrated that I didn't break my distance PR, but happy that I was feeling really fast.
Ok here is me from the front
And side. My arms don't look any bigger but I think that the sun just flattered them in the four week pics. Plus today was a leg day, so I didn't get that pump in my arms.
...and my new back pic. That tire around the middle is getting smaller!
Big Day for Tim
I have to say that Tim weighed in at under 200 lbs today for the first time. And I was really proud of him, I think in the past seven weeks he's only missed one workout, and from what I can tell he has been really disciplined about his diet. Congratulations Tim!
Friday's Hat Trick
and a quick note on my cardio day yesterday. Fridays are usually my "Speed day," because I drop the elevation down to zero, and I just see how much distance I can cover doing the BFL high point ladder. My record thus far has been 2.52 miles in 20 minutes. I was all set to break my PR yesterday, and I started off feeling good, feeling strong. About the time I was finishing my first cycle, sprinting the machine just shut down. So I had to jump on the machine next to it. About five minutes later, THAT machine shut down, about that time I'm pretty frustrated, and I sort of scream "You gotta be F***ing kidding me!" which gets me all kinds of negative attention in the gym. So I jump on the machine next to that one. And I am really booking I have no idea how far I've gone at this point, but I know I'm way fast for this being my last cycle. On my 10 level, I was running at 9.9 mph (a first for me) and....the machine shut down. I gave up trying to finish, and just cooled down, very frustrated that I didn't break my distance PR, but happy that I was feeling really fast.
Ok here is me from the front
And side. My arms don't look any bigger but I think that the sun just flattered them in the four week pics. Plus today was a leg day, so I didn't get that pump in my arms.
...and my new back pic. That tire around the middle is getting smaller!
4 Week Progress Pics
This is what I looked like on April 19th.
I went from 232 lbs. to 214 lbs.
Here's me from the side. Getting a little less "thick" which is often a conveinent word for me to excuse myself for being fat.
Alright, and here's the pic I was sort of dreading. My back progress over four weeks. Still got that nasty band of fat, but it's getting smaller and I was really happy with my progress over the four weeks.
Alright, so that was four weeks. The only thing I changed after this four weeks, was that I moved my meals back a little so that my late afternoon meal (Myoplex shake) came less than an hour before my workout and then I immediately have another shake after my lifting workouts. I don't know if it's psychosomatic but I really felt stronger.
I went from 232 lbs. to 214 lbs.
Here's me from the side. Getting a little less "thick" which is often a conveinent word for me to excuse myself for being fat.
Alright, and here's the pic I was sort of dreading. My back progress over four weeks. Still got that nasty band of fat, but it's getting smaller and I was really happy with my progress over the four weeks.
Alright, so that was four weeks. The only thing I changed after this four weeks, was that I moved my meals back a little so that my late afternoon meal (Myoplex shake) came less than an hour before my workout and then I immediately have another shake after my lifting workouts. I don't know if it's psychosomatic but I really felt stronger.
Friday, May 16, 2008
3rd Week in Crazy Land
So I had Bridges again last night. I guess I'm winning people over in there. Last night we had to talk about behavioral vs. physical signs of when you get angry. We were going around the room sharing about our physical signs of anger, and when it got to me I said, "I usually clench my jaw, and pop my joints," and I popped my neck and my elbows. The leader guy (someday I'll remember his name) said "oh that must be from your cage fighting." and I said "yeah, I guess it comes with the territory." He sort of paused and said "wait, are you really a cage fighter?" and I said "yeah, I thought you knew that already." So a few guys in the class started asking me about that, and I had to clarify that I'm not a cage fighter, but I've participated in MMA, and still do martial arts.
Since I am trying to be positive about this whole stupid experience, I will say that my favorite part of Bridges is the odd mix of characters in the class. There's the crazy redneck guy that obviously belongs there, and then there's the really well-spoken guy who's kind of the veteren of the group who's so blantantly honest about everything it's a little disarming. He talks about his struggles with alcoholism, and the kind of person he is when he drinks as opposed to who he is when we see him. He's always interesting. Then there's this Russian guy, who mumbles crazy things in his thick Russian accent usually about how awful and stupid and cruel women are. Last night the crazy Russian guy, blindsided us by closing the evening with a poem he wrote.
Since I am trying to be positive about this whole stupid experience, I will say that my favorite part of Bridges is the odd mix of characters in the class. There's the crazy redneck guy that obviously belongs there, and then there's the really well-spoken guy who's kind of the veteren of the group who's so blantantly honest about everything it's a little disarming. He talks about his struggles with alcoholism, and the kind of person he is when he drinks as opposed to who he is when we see him. He's always interesting. Then there's this Russian guy, who mumbles crazy things in his thick Russian accent usually about how awful and stupid and cruel women are. Last night the crazy Russian guy, blindsided us by closing the evening with a poem he wrote.
First Day in Crazy School
-This is basically the email I wrote to my brother the next day about my experience at Bridges
I show up to Bridges, about ten minutes early. There’s a couple of scruffy looking dudes waiting in this little area outside the room. While we’re sitting there a few more scruffy looking dudes come meandering in. The room starts to take on an air of engine grease and socks, and somewhere in there I detected a distinct smell of superglue. Anyway while we’re all sitting there, saying nothing for the most part like the world’s biggest most uncomfortable elevator, we can hear through the door to where anotehr counseling session is already happening. Out of nowhere some lady in there goes “Goddamn it! I am tired of this shit! You guys are all blahbablahablabablah” She’s kind of screaming at these guys, and I’m sitting there thinking, “oh goody, I get to go in there and get screamed at by some incoherent woman, this is new.”
It quiets down in that room somewhat after that, some of the guys in my waiting area are talking, telling their hard-luck stories. One guy is in there, he’s obviously a mechanic, he’s talking about how he has to pay $40 a week for this class, he’s on probation which apparently costs $70 a month, and he has to go to some court-mandated parenting class to get custody of his kids that is costing him like $120 a month. It really seems like the system is failing this guy, well actually it’s fucking him prison-movie style. Probably the only reason he’s not starving to death is because he’s taken a second job selling meth (just guessing on that one)
So we wait. Class starts at 7:00pm, and we wait and wait. At 7:25 we hear from inside the room “Ok, we’re like 25 minutes late, let’s wrap it up.” Five minutes (Do you know how long five minutes is, when you've already been waiting twenty-five?) later that room clears out, and that group of scruffy looking dudes comes out and intermingles with my group of scruffy looking dudes. So I’m absorbing the idea that I am paying $40 a session to come here (for the next 26 weeks) and I was warned up and down not to be late for my sessions or else I would be counted as absent and possibly be reported to the courts for non-compliance, and yet, they can just ignore us for 30 minutes.
If you’re still with me, here’s the best part. We go in, and the dude who’s in charge, the one who previously judged me to be a sociopath based on a second hand opinion from some woman who’s credentials to make such a judgment are in question, is standing there looking like some sort of yuppy douchebag. We all introduce ourselves, and then he puts on a movie. That’s it, I paid forty dollars to watch an hour of some shitty movie The Waitress.
Since you probably haven’t seen it, it’s a movie about a woman who is a waitress (who saw that coming?) who is married to a total asshole. He talks down to her, makes her give him her money from work, slaps her around and is generally a bad guy all around. I am sitting there thinking, “This is how they are trying to get the point across to me?” If I was to watch that movie in any other scenario in my life, I would be like, hey no big deal, but in that room in that context, you feel like the finger is pointed at you, with somebody saying "That's you, you're the bad guy." I sat there through the entire movie thinking that I should make some asinine remark about how I thought the guy was just misunderstood, and she was the real villain, but I didn’t want to take my chances that they would take me seriously and immediately petition the judge to put me in crazy-prison.
The coup de grace here is that at the end we have “homework.” We have to take and fill out these sheets that say “What was a situation that made you angry?” I sat there the entire time thinking that I would love to fill this one out all about my situation that evening. The problem is that they have me by the collar, all the have to do is decide that I’m not cooperating with the program and they can call the judge and screw me over.
I hate my life.
Crazy School Preliminary Meeting
Part of my agreement with the court is to attend this "Batterers Treatment Counseling" or "Bridges" program for a minimum of 26 weeks and upon completion they will dismiss the charges against me.
So I make an appointment to go in for my preliminary meeting. Which consists of me sitting in a hallway filling out thousands of vaguely insulting multiple choice questionaires. I can't tell you how many different ways there are to ask you if you're an alcoholic, but I'm pretty sure that those tests covered all of them. It would go something like this
10. T/F I have many friends and form close relationships.
11. T/F I often can't make it to work because I am drunk or too hung over
12. T/F I feel that the World has caused me considerable pain and misery
13. T/F My family often accuses me of being an alcoholic
It seemed like every other question was trying to trick me into admitting I'm an alcoholic, like somehow I wouldn't answer 99 of the questions right, and then there would be that one question where they got through, like "True or False, I often fall asleep on the toilet with a bottle of Jack Daniels" and I would be like "Shit, who hasn't done that? This week." oh no, they got me!
Anyways after I fill out all the tests, I have to go in for an interview with this young woman. She asks me to tell her about myself, and all about the incident that brought me there. So I do, I tell her everything, the stuff she did to me, the stuff I did wrong, everything. I think this is going pretty well. In my head I am showing that I'm cooperative, and honest, and willing to work with the program. We talk for awhile, and it seems really casual, and at the end she's closing up and she says something about how they'll evaulate me and get back to me about which program I should be in, the 12 week, the 26 week or the 42 week program. I point out to her that the judge actually told me that I'm on a 26 maximum program, and she notes that on her forms, and then I'm on my marry way.
...the next morning
My lawyer calls me. He's upset. So he asks me in a very concerned tone "What the hell happened in there? Did you flip her off and tell her that you weren't gonna take any of her shit?" I was in shock. No, I thought it went really well, and I fill him in on everything that went down with the tests, and my interview with the girl.
Well it turns out, that apparently the head counseling guy read her notes on me and determined that I'm a "Very dangerous individual," and that I "showed sociopathic tendencies." Uhh, what? So, I'm left sitting here thinking, what the hell did I say?
I tell my sister who's a counselor about it, and my friend who is also in the counseling field, asking them for insight on what I could've done or said that gave this impression. We're all pretty confused by it. But we have our theories: either the DA (who didn't like the deal I got) gave the people over at Bridges a call and told them not to trust me or that I'm a psycho that got away with it or something. Or my personal theory that when you don't know me or my wife, and I tell you stories about things that have happened or went down, I think I might sound like a guy who's making this stuff up. It's all a little over the top, and I can see how especially in that field they get a lot of guys coming in their with some wild stories. So maybe she just assumed that I was trying to justify my being there with wild fish-stories, and put that in her notes. I'll never know for sure.
So my lawyer faxes over the judges comments about me (being basically a decent guy) and all my character statements, and his own opinoin of me. And a couple of days later, I give the head counseling guy over at Bridges a call, just to state my case.
He's nice, but really stand-offish, he's probably had to deal with a lot of weirdos calling him up on this stuff. But he explains to me that usually in such extreme circumstances, they wouldn't ever have a person in less than the 42 week program and he can't understand why I'm only doing 26 weeks. He says as long as I go along with the program, and do my assignments we shouldn't have a problem getting me out in 26 weeks or so.
At this point I want so badly to point out that the judge said "maximum of 26 weeks," but I don't want this guy thinking that I'm uncooperative or...you know a freakin' sociopath.
So I make an appointment to go in for my preliminary meeting. Which consists of me sitting in a hallway filling out thousands of vaguely insulting multiple choice questionaires. I can't tell you how many different ways there are to ask you if you're an alcoholic, but I'm pretty sure that those tests covered all of them. It would go something like this
10. T/F I have many friends and form close relationships.
11. T/F I often can't make it to work because I am drunk or too hung over
12. T/F I feel that the World has caused me considerable pain and misery
13. T/F My family often accuses me of being an alcoholic
It seemed like every other question was trying to trick me into admitting I'm an alcoholic, like somehow I wouldn't answer 99 of the questions right, and then there would be that one question where they got through, like "True or False, I often fall asleep on the toilet with a bottle of Jack Daniels" and I would be like "Shit, who hasn't done that? This week." oh no, they got me!
Anyways after I fill out all the tests, I have to go in for an interview with this young woman. She asks me to tell her about myself, and all about the incident that brought me there. So I do, I tell her everything, the stuff she did to me, the stuff I did wrong, everything. I think this is going pretty well. In my head I am showing that I'm cooperative, and honest, and willing to work with the program. We talk for awhile, and it seems really casual, and at the end she's closing up and she says something about how they'll evaulate me and get back to me about which program I should be in, the 12 week, the 26 week or the 42 week program. I point out to her that the judge actually told me that I'm on a 26 maximum program, and she notes that on her forms, and then I'm on my marry way.
...the next morning
My lawyer calls me. He's upset. So he asks me in a very concerned tone "What the hell happened in there? Did you flip her off and tell her that you weren't gonna take any of her shit?" I was in shock. No, I thought it went really well, and I fill him in on everything that went down with the tests, and my interview with the girl.
Well it turns out, that apparently the head counseling guy read her notes on me and determined that I'm a "Very dangerous individual," and that I "showed sociopathic tendencies." Uhh, what? So, I'm left sitting here thinking, what the hell did I say?
I tell my sister who's a counselor about it, and my friend who is also in the counseling field, asking them for insight on what I could've done or said that gave this impression. We're all pretty confused by it. But we have our theories: either the DA (who didn't like the deal I got) gave the people over at Bridges a call and told them not to trust me or that I'm a psycho that got away with it or something. Or my personal theory that when you don't know me or my wife, and I tell you stories about things that have happened or went down, I think I might sound like a guy who's making this stuff up. It's all a little over the top, and I can see how especially in that field they get a lot of guys coming in their with some wild stories. So maybe she just assumed that I was trying to justify my being there with wild fish-stories, and put that in her notes. I'll never know for sure.
So my lawyer faxes over the judges comments about me (being basically a decent guy) and all my character statements, and his own opinoin of me. And a couple of days later, I give the head counseling guy over at Bridges a call, just to state my case.
He's nice, but really stand-offish, he's probably had to deal with a lot of weirdos calling him up on this stuff. But he explains to me that usually in such extreme circumstances, they wouldn't ever have a person in less than the 42 week program and he can't understand why I'm only doing 26 weeks. He says as long as I go along with the program, and do my assignments we shouldn't have a problem getting me out in 26 weeks or so.
At this point I want so badly to point out that the judge said "maximum of 26 weeks," but I don't want this guy thinking that I'm uncooperative or...you know a freakin' sociopath.
Beginning of BFL
This is what I looked like back on March 24th.
This Back shot is the one that really made me go "whoa, I need to do something about this."
So even during the time when these pictures were taken, I thought of myself as "in shape." I worked out semi-regularly, I did some martial arts and stuff, I thought my diet was pretty good. I couldn't believe what these pics showed me.
Backfat, moobs, tube arms; I look like a loser. It's time for a change.
This Back shot is the one that really made me go "whoa, I need to do something about this."
So even during the time when these pictures were taken, I thought of myself as "in shape." I worked out semi-regularly, I did some martial arts and stuff, I thought my diet was pretty good. I couldn't believe what these pics showed me.
Backfat, moobs, tube arms; I look like a loser. It's time for a change.
Background
So this is my blog. I've threatened to do this for awhile now. So here it is.
A little background....
I'm 29 years old. I was in a domestic dispute with my wife back in January, and as a result of that fight, I have been placed in a Batterer's Treatment Program for 26 weeks. Since the incident in January I've moved into my parent's house. Part of the protective agreement for my wife is that she gets to live in our house, and I'm not allowed to contact her in any way outside of couple's counseling.
Since moving out, I've spent a great deal of time in "the Fortress of Purpletude" or my room at my parent's house. I went through a few weeks of obligatory depression where I didn't do much more than get off the couch to go buy fast food. But at some point, I decided to try and use this time for something a little more positive, and I decided to enter the Body for Life program.
So all in all this is my blog about being in batterer's counseling, and also probably some stuff about my fitness program.
A little background....
I'm 29 years old. I was in a domestic dispute with my wife back in January, and as a result of that fight, I have been placed in a Batterer's Treatment Program for 26 weeks. Since the incident in January I've moved into my parent's house. Part of the protective agreement for my wife is that she gets to live in our house, and I'm not allowed to contact her in any way outside of couple's counseling.
Since moving out, I've spent a great deal of time in "the Fortress of Purpletude" or my room at my parent's house. I went through a few weeks of obligatory depression where I didn't do much more than get off the couch to go buy fast food. But at some point, I decided to try and use this time for something a little more positive, and I decided to enter the Body for Life program.
So all in all this is my blog about being in batterer's counseling, and also probably some stuff about my fitness program.
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