I yelled at everyone in my department at work today. I got this box in that had Greg's name on it and I asked "Hey, does anyone know what Greg might have ordered from Nirvana?" All at once the four guys standing around my area answered with some idiotic joke:
"Greg sure likes Kurt Cobain"
"I thought Nirvana was someplace you went, not something you bought!"
"All I know is it's a band!"
"Nirvana sells electronics?"
...and I just stood there for a seconds letting them bask in my contempt before I barked "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE FUCKING NIRVANA JOKES, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
It got all quiet after that. Like dad just punched mom at the dinner table. Everyone's walking around like nothing happened, but all teary eyed, and I feel like the crazy guy.
If I get through today without throwing something expensive through something else that is more expensive, it'll be a miracle.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Rant - Solo Acts
I've been feeling bad about my last post. Feeling sorry for myself isn't going to win me any blogging awards. Do they even have blog awards? Oh man, now I really want one.
So here's the deal, when you're the lead singer in a successful band, why do you need to go solo? This drives me crazy, I mean lead singers get all the attention anyways. It's hard enough to make it as a musician. I mean, let's say you're the bassist for some marginal band out there, like Maroon 5, you've finally achieved your dream, you're making some money, your stupid band is all over the radio, sure your metrosexual lead singer gets all the magazine covers and groupie action, but hey you're famous-ish, so it's cool right? So one day after your stripper girlfriend drops you off at band practice you get to hear that the talentless douchebag you called a lead singer is leaving the band to do a Solo Album. You spent years locked in your bedroom alone learning scales and studying chord progressions, and learn how to look cool when you smoke. This guy was lead in his high school's production of Brigadoon and now he thinks he's freakin' John Lennon. So now he's like, "Hey thanks for making me famous. Fuck you."
Here's a few bullets to drive my point home:
No Doubt really wasn't that great of a band, but hey they had a certain level of charisma, and their songs were catchy. Then this...
-Really Gwen? Your band was holding you back from what? From making crappy hip-hop with guest rappers? I am sure the four faceless rubes that spent years touring with you when you were nobodies wouldn't have had a problem making "wee-ooh wee-ooh" songs with you if that kept the paychecks rolling in.
But no, we get two solo albums from Gwen Stefani, who is cute, but come on, let's admit it: not all that great. At anything. Especially loyalty.
This one absolutely KILLS me!
For god's sake, it's called the Dave Matthews Band, and you had to go solo?! What is it that you had to do as just plain old Dave Matthews, that the Dave Matthews Band wouldn't let you do?
Maybe that really buff guy in DMB who plays the violin was just getting too much attention and Dave had enough. He sure got his revenge when he released this solo album--that nobody bought, or heard, or cared about.
If you bought this album, and you're not directly related to Dave himself, I hate you.
I know there are bunch of great examples of this that I haven't already thought of, if anyone read this blog I would encourage you to fill me on some that I'm missing. I also know that this is a stupid thing to get all fired up about, but it's probably due to jealousy and the fact that I'm a successful musician in the body of a rhythm-deprived guitar hero hack.
So here's the deal, when you're the lead singer in a successful band, why do you need to go solo? This drives me crazy, I mean lead singers get all the attention anyways. It's hard enough to make it as a musician. I mean, let's say you're the bassist for some marginal band out there, like Maroon 5, you've finally achieved your dream, you're making some money, your stupid band is all over the radio, sure your metrosexual lead singer gets all the magazine covers and groupie action, but hey you're famous-ish, so it's cool right? So one day after your stripper girlfriend drops you off at band practice you get to hear that the talentless douchebag you called a lead singer is leaving the band to do a Solo Album. You spent years locked in your bedroom alone learning scales and studying chord progressions, and learn how to look cool when you smoke. This guy was lead in his high school's production of Brigadoon and now he thinks he's freakin' John Lennon. So now he's like, "Hey thanks for making me famous. Fuck you."
Here's a few bullets to drive my point home:
No Doubt really wasn't that great of a band, but hey they had a certain level of charisma, and their songs were catchy. Then this...
-Really Gwen? Your band was holding you back from what? From making crappy hip-hop with guest rappers? I am sure the four faceless rubes that spent years touring with you when you were nobodies wouldn't have had a problem making "wee-ooh wee-ooh" songs with you if that kept the paychecks rolling in.But no, we get two solo albums from Gwen Stefani, who is cute, but come on, let's admit it: not all that great. At anything. Especially loyalty.
This one absolutely KILLS me!
For god's sake, it's called the Dave Matthews Band, and you had to go solo?! What is it that you had to do as just plain old Dave Matthews, that the Dave Matthews Band wouldn't let you do?
Maybe that really buff guy in DMB who plays the violin was just getting too much attention and Dave had enough. He sure got his revenge when he released this solo album--that nobody bought, or heard, or cared about.
If you bought this album, and you're not directly related to Dave himself, I hate you.
I know there are bunch of great examples of this that I haven't already thought of, if anyone read this blog I would encourage you to fill me on some that I'm missing. I also know that this is a stupid thing to get all fired up about, but it's probably due to jealousy and the fact that I'm a successful musician in the body of a rhythm-deprived guitar hero hack.
Things Come to Pass
I am about to turn thirty this summer and I feel more like an idiot kid than I ever have before. I feel like I'm losing everything I tried so hard to hold on to. It's numbing to see it all slipping away. I can't help but wince a little when I'm reminded of all the stupid things I've done to get myself here.
I basically did everything that I've known not to do since I was sixteen. I ran up credit cards, I bought things I didn't need on credit, I financed a car when I had one that was paid off, the list goes on. Now the house is being foreclosed, I get so many calls from creditors that they've abandoned actual phone calls in favor of the more efficient and lazy art of texting. "Hey this is Visa, you got any money for us?"
I might not have a job at the end of next week. There's that numb feeling again. It's hard to see the bright side in all of this, but I'm trying. My dad is a good source of those silver-lining type thoughts; you're building character (that's his go-to for almost any situation), at least you have your health (no joke), trust God (easier said than done with me). If nothing else, the idea that the future is so wide open would be kind of invigorating. If it weren't for all that paralyzing fear.
BFL
Oh yeah, so I didn't really finish with a bang. I didn't even get my final pictures taken. But I'm not giving up. I plan on starting another round at the end of this month. Prepare yourself for another round of "Before" pictures.
I did however accomplish one of my goals: Bench Pressing 100lb dumbbells. I did (once) last Saturday with Tim. I'm pretty stoked about that, and glad to see that although my progress has slowed, I am still progressing.
I basically did everything that I've known not to do since I was sixteen. I ran up credit cards, I bought things I didn't need on credit, I financed a car when I had one that was paid off, the list goes on. Now the house is being foreclosed, I get so many calls from creditors that they've abandoned actual phone calls in favor of the more efficient and lazy art of texting. "Hey this is Visa, you got any money for us?"
I might not have a job at the end of next week. There's that numb feeling again. It's hard to see the bright side in all of this, but I'm trying. My dad is a good source of those silver-lining type thoughts; you're building character (that's his go-to for almost any situation), at least you have your health (no joke), trust God (easier said than done with me). If nothing else, the idea that the future is so wide open would be kind of invigorating. If it weren't for all that paralyzing fear.
BFL
Oh yeah, so I didn't really finish with a bang. I didn't even get my final pictures taken. But I'm not giving up. I plan on starting another round at the end of this month. Prepare yourself for another round of "Before" pictures.
I did however accomplish one of my goals: Bench Pressing 100lb dumbbells. I did (once) last Saturday with Tim. I'm pretty stoked about that, and glad to see that although my progress has slowed, I am still progressing.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sunday Afternoon Rant
Here is a short list of bands that I am totally over:
- Red Hot Chili Peppers - I do not believe it is possible for a band to be more overplayed. I am pretty sure that every radio station plays a RHCP song every at least every six minutes, whether it's a rock station, pop, hard rock, alternative, Mexican, Opera, Salsa, NPR whatever, they're all playing Californication right this second.
- Metallica - Yes, yes, I know: if you like hard music you have to like Metallica. And even if you don't like hard music you have to respect Metallica. Well, I know it makes me an idiot in the eyes of most of the world, but I'm over Metallica. They did their thing, it was all cool when Enter Sandman beat out Bryan Adam's Everything I Do song that was playing every five seconds on every radio station that summer I turned 14, but hey, I'm almost 30, and I've decided that Metallica is no longer relavent. I can hear you know "What about Ride the Lightning?" Yes, even Ride the Lighting, let's move on.
- Sublime - This isn't new. I've been over Sublime since day one. My brother came back from a summer in California when we were in high school, where he'd "discovered" this awesome band called Sublime. I was like, all right let's hear it! Which was quickly followed by a "this is it, this is pretty weak" That's how I still feel.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Dirty J Gets Flogged
So last night, we spent literally the entire time in class berating this one guy who'd just recently gotten out of jail for violating his release agreement. Apparently, his wife wasn't allowed to see his kids, and he wasn't allowed to see his wife; and one day DHS (Department of Human Services, I think) showed up at his house unexpectedly when his wife was over at his house watching his kids while he was at work. So long story short; he went to jail, and had just gotten released a few days before showing up to class.
So, Todd was put in the unfortunate position of having to evaluate this guy for DHS and tell them whether or not he should be around his kids or get unification with his wife. Since the whole idea behind this program is that you learn to take responsibility for your actions, Todd decided to put this guy's feet to the fire and see if he'd take responsibility for everything he'd done that got him to this point. He put the guy, that I'll call Dirty J, in a chair at the front of the class, and gave us a little background.
Todd told us that this guy had been in the program for over thirty weeks before Todd became his facilitator. Almost as soon as Dirty J was Todd's problem, DHS asked Todd for an evaluation. Todd went to the other facilitators who'd worked with him and asked them what their opinion of Dirty J was, and they all said that this guy wasn't really progressing, mostly he just came to class with a chip on his shoulder and put in his time. They said he didn't really take responsibility for his actions, and always had someone to blame for whatever problems he has.
Well, sitting in front of all of us Todd asks Dirty J to tell us about his time in the program. Right off the bat, I'm thinking this guy is full of it. He begins by telling us how intellectual he is, and that he was totally detaching himself from his emotions and even used his skills in math (what?) to buck the system at Bridges. He must have used the word "intellectualize" seven times in the first two minutes he was talking. Now call me superficial or whatever, but when a dude shows up to class in a dirty brown t-shirt with a faded picture of a Camaro on it, bad facial hair and running pants, the first thing I'm thinking is not: this dude is going to outsmart us all.
So he goes on and on, painting this picture of what a diabolical genius he is, until finally Todd interrupts him. "Why don't you tell us why you're here in the first place?" Todd asks. Dirty J tries to dodge the question for awhile, and then he tells us this story about how he caught his wife cheating on him, and there's no chance here he's not going to parlay this into a story about how fully badass he really is so he tells us about how he totally kicked this guys ass with his Genius Kung Fu, and then three days later he got picked up by the police.
Todd interrupts him again, asking him about why DHS is on his case. Dirty J instantly takes advantage of another opportunity to ignore the question and play up his badassness. He tells us about how he does "Major Event Security" (remind me to put a link to the Mall ninja in here somewhere) and that he works twenty hour days, and he makes a sideways mention that the house went to hell in a hand basket during the two weeks he was working this event. Todd pointedly asks him "What does to hell in a handbasket mean." Dirty J goes, "Well the laundry was piling up and the dishes hadn't been done in a couple of days." That's it, that's all he says.
Todd asks him about the spoon. Dirty J goes "oh," as if he'd forgotten a very insignificant detail "Yeah, they found a spoon in the house that they tested and it turned out to have opiate residue in it." We all jump on this: is it yours? No. Was it your wife's? No, she doens't do drugs. The more questions he gets asked about the spoon, the more he implies that it's some kind of conspiracy. Although he has no shame about telling us all about his "open-ended" prescription to Oxycodone and Morphine, and his lifelong abuse of any and all kinds of opiates, but the spoon wasn't his because he doesn't like needles. Well I think we have the proof we need here, so let's move on.
So, Todd gets frustrated with this dude's obvious denial of the situation. He opens the floor to all of us, actually makes us ask questions about the state of this dude's house. So we start asking questions:
"Was the trash piled up?"
Dirty J, responds "Yeah, the trash probably hadn't been taken out in five days or so"
"Were there clothes piled up everywhere?"
"Well, the laundry hadn't been done in about four or five days"
He keeps reverting back to "five days" I guess he thinks that sounds bad, but still reasonable, and keeps him from looking like a total greasy shitbag.
It gets to me, and I ask "Where were the kids sleeping? Did they have sheets on the beds?"
"In their beds, and yes they had sheets."
The interrogation goes on like this for a little while longer, "Was there rotten food? Was stuff smeared on the walls? How many dirty diapers were there?" Dirty J deflected all of these in the same way. Finally I spoke up, and said "Dude, I don't want to be a dick here, because I know we're all here with our own problems, but I gotta tell you this story; One time when I was in the Army, our Sergeant Major made all of us Sergeants come out to this soldier's house in my unit one weekend. This was our equivalent of a DHS situation. In this soldier's apartment there was shit everywhere, no clothes were hung up, you couldn't see the floor, puddles of random shit everywhere, every flat surface in the house was covered with garbage, food and whatever else, also the house reaked like some kind of otherworldly rotten garbage." And I went on, "like I said, I'm not trying to call you out or anything, but that dude was just like you, when we were talking to him he was like 'yeah, I've been real busy, I didn't really get a chance to clean up around here,' and we were all going nuts saying 'Dude, it doesn't get like this because you forgot to clean up for a few days, this is a lifestyle. A filthy rotten lifestyle."
My little story got Dirty J to change his approach a little, now instead of deflecting he was saying "yeah, I hate myself for letting it get this way," and other wah wah wah I'm a horrible person stuff, probably just to get us to back off. Finally Todd brought out the official DHS report.
After a little back and forth with Dirty J about whether or not he wanted to hear this report, he read it to the class. The DHS report said that there was garbage everywhere, that you couldn't go in the dining room because it was stacked with boxes in disarray. Apparently there was a little bathroom that was piled up with so many clothes you couldn't open the door. In the bedroom where the whole family slept, there were all kinds of bottles and sippy cups with various rotting liquids inside. In the kitchen there were dishes with moldy food piled everywhere, and next to an overflowing trashcan there were piles of garbage bags that hadn't been taken out. The house was infested with fleas, keep in mind that Dirty J said that there weren't any pets in the house, and the kids were covered in flea bites. And finally in another bathroom there was a toilet that was backed up and overflowing for some time, DHS couldn't stay in that area for more than a few minutes at a time.
So it got pretty quiet after that, the killer here is that while we were all sitting there quietly picturing the extent of how bad this house had been, Dirty J seemed to be oddly satisfied, as if what Todd just read had vindicated him.
After everything I've heard in my life, I'm still meeting people who astonish me with their thinking. I guess I'm just not smart enough to understand the mystery that is Dirty J.
One more thing, I want to know what kind of medical condition someone could have that would require an open-ended prescription of morphine and oxycodone, yet still that person holds down a job working twenty hour days doing security. Anyone?
So, Todd was put in the unfortunate position of having to evaluate this guy for DHS and tell them whether or not he should be around his kids or get unification with his wife. Since the whole idea behind this program is that you learn to take responsibility for your actions, Todd decided to put this guy's feet to the fire and see if he'd take responsibility for everything he'd done that got him to this point. He put the guy, that I'll call Dirty J, in a chair at the front of the class, and gave us a little background.
Todd told us that this guy had been in the program for over thirty weeks before Todd became his facilitator. Almost as soon as Dirty J was Todd's problem, DHS asked Todd for an evaluation. Todd went to the other facilitators who'd worked with him and asked them what their opinion of Dirty J was, and they all said that this guy wasn't really progressing, mostly he just came to class with a chip on his shoulder and put in his time. They said he didn't really take responsibility for his actions, and always had someone to blame for whatever problems he has.
Well, sitting in front of all of us Todd asks Dirty J to tell us about his time in the program. Right off the bat, I'm thinking this guy is full of it. He begins by telling us how intellectual he is, and that he was totally detaching himself from his emotions and even used his skills in math (what?) to buck the system at Bridges. He must have used the word "intellectualize" seven times in the first two minutes he was talking. Now call me superficial or whatever, but when a dude shows up to class in a dirty brown t-shirt with a faded picture of a Camaro on it, bad facial hair and running pants, the first thing I'm thinking is not: this dude is going to outsmart us all.
So he goes on and on, painting this picture of what a diabolical genius he is, until finally Todd interrupts him. "Why don't you tell us why you're here in the first place?" Todd asks. Dirty J tries to dodge the question for awhile, and then he tells us this story about how he caught his wife cheating on him, and there's no chance here he's not going to parlay this into a story about how fully badass he really is so he tells us about how he totally kicked this guys ass with his Genius Kung Fu, and then three days later he got picked up by the police.
Todd interrupts him again, asking him about why DHS is on his case. Dirty J instantly takes advantage of another opportunity to ignore the question and play up his badassness. He tells us about how he does "Major Event Security" (remind me to put a link to the Mall ninja in here somewhere) and that he works twenty hour days, and he makes a sideways mention that the house went to hell in a hand basket during the two weeks he was working this event. Todd pointedly asks him "What does to hell in a handbasket mean." Dirty J goes, "Well the laundry was piling up and the dishes hadn't been done in a couple of days." That's it, that's all he says.
Todd asks him about the spoon. Dirty J goes "oh," as if he'd forgotten a very insignificant detail "Yeah, they found a spoon in the house that they tested and it turned out to have opiate residue in it." We all jump on this: is it yours? No. Was it your wife's? No, she doens't do drugs. The more questions he gets asked about the spoon, the more he implies that it's some kind of conspiracy. Although he has no shame about telling us all about his "open-ended" prescription to Oxycodone and Morphine, and his lifelong abuse of any and all kinds of opiates, but the spoon wasn't his because he doesn't like needles. Well I think we have the proof we need here, so let's move on.
So, Todd gets frustrated with this dude's obvious denial of the situation. He opens the floor to all of us, actually makes us ask questions about the state of this dude's house. So we start asking questions:
"Was the trash piled up?"
Dirty J, responds "Yeah, the trash probably hadn't been taken out in five days or so"
"Were there clothes piled up everywhere?"
"Well, the laundry hadn't been done in about four or five days"
He keeps reverting back to "five days" I guess he thinks that sounds bad, but still reasonable, and keeps him from looking like a total greasy shitbag.
It gets to me, and I ask "Where were the kids sleeping? Did they have sheets on the beds?"
"In their beds, and yes they had sheets."
The interrogation goes on like this for a little while longer, "Was there rotten food? Was stuff smeared on the walls? How many dirty diapers were there?" Dirty J deflected all of these in the same way. Finally I spoke up, and said "Dude, I don't want to be a dick here, because I know we're all here with our own problems, but I gotta tell you this story; One time when I was in the Army, our Sergeant Major made all of us Sergeants come out to this soldier's house in my unit one weekend. This was our equivalent of a DHS situation. In this soldier's apartment there was shit everywhere, no clothes were hung up, you couldn't see the floor, puddles of random shit everywhere, every flat surface in the house was covered with garbage, food and whatever else, also the house reaked like some kind of otherworldly rotten garbage." And I went on, "like I said, I'm not trying to call you out or anything, but that dude was just like you, when we were talking to him he was like 'yeah, I've been real busy, I didn't really get a chance to clean up around here,' and we were all going nuts saying 'Dude, it doesn't get like this because you forgot to clean up for a few days, this is a lifestyle. A filthy rotten lifestyle."
My little story got Dirty J to change his approach a little, now instead of deflecting he was saying "yeah, I hate myself for letting it get this way," and other wah wah wah I'm a horrible person stuff, probably just to get us to back off. Finally Todd brought out the official DHS report.
After a little back and forth with Dirty J about whether or not he wanted to hear this report, he read it to the class. The DHS report said that there was garbage everywhere, that you couldn't go in the dining room because it was stacked with boxes in disarray. Apparently there was a little bathroom that was piled up with so many clothes you couldn't open the door. In the bedroom where the whole family slept, there were all kinds of bottles and sippy cups with various rotting liquids inside. In the kitchen there were dishes with moldy food piled everywhere, and next to an overflowing trashcan there were piles of garbage bags that hadn't been taken out. The house was infested with fleas, keep in mind that Dirty J said that there weren't any pets in the house, and the kids were covered in flea bites. And finally in another bathroom there was a toilet that was backed up and overflowing for some time, DHS couldn't stay in that area for more than a few minutes at a time.
So it got pretty quiet after that, the killer here is that while we were all sitting there quietly picturing the extent of how bad this house had been, Dirty J seemed to be oddly satisfied, as if what Todd just read had vindicated him.
After everything I've heard in my life, I'm still meeting people who astonish me with their thinking. I guess I'm just not smart enough to understand the mystery that is Dirty J.
One more thing, I want to know what kind of medical condition someone could have that would require an open-ended prescription of morphine and oxycodone, yet still that person holds down a job working twenty hour days doing security. Anyone?
Friday, June 13, 2008
Humor in Humility
Last night something interesting happened in class. The lesson was on things you can do in an argument to hurt the other person, or unfair methods of fighting. Todd was talking about the idea of violating confidence. He was trying to explain that violating confidence is when someone has revealed something to you and you use that against them. "This could be something you told them, or they told you when you were vulnerable. Like some deep dark secret, or something totally humiliating." When he said this, like three guys in the room cracked up. I was sitting there thinking, "uh oh." These guys couldn't stifle their laughter just hearing the word "humiliating." I sat there for the rest of the class wondering what demented images went flashing through their minds at the mere mention of humiliation. In my head it was just the entire Jackass movie in one millisecond. Let's hope it was that innocent.
BFL- eleventh week
I have been doing good on my workouts, but my diet has really been off. I am having a hard time getting motivated to prepare my meals in advance, which has always been my problem. It's needless to say that my 12 Week pictures aren't going to be as good as I'd hoped. I am still going to take them, and try to stay motivated for the next challenge. This weekend, I am going to go grocery shopping and prepare some good food for the rest of the week. Also, I am going to start doing my food journal. When I abandoned that, it was easier to slack off on everything else.
BFL- eleventh week
I have been doing good on my workouts, but my diet has really been off. I am having a hard time getting motivated to prepare my meals in advance, which has always been my problem. It's needless to say that my 12 Week pictures aren't going to be as good as I'd hoped. I am still going to take them, and try to stay motivated for the next challenge. This weekend, I am going to go grocery shopping and prepare some good food for the rest of the week. Also, I am going to start doing my food journal. When I abandoned that, it was easier to slack off on everything else.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Unmotivated 10th Week
Well, I am struggling to get my mojo back this week. I have been eating ok, but this weekend my sister had her wedding reception and the whole family came down. I took it easy on the over eating but I was definitely undisciplined. It's sort of bleeding over into the week and that's exactly what I don't want to do. Today is Wednesday, and it's the first day that I've really set about eating correctly.
It's almost time for another Crazy School session. Last week was pretty uneventful. We pretty much spent the whole time talking about how we felt when the Crazy Redneck was going off in class. For some reason Todd kept coming back to me. Also, he makes it a habit to mention me cagefighting, or being in martial arts about once every five minutes in case anybody forgot. It makes me a little self conscious for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don't want people thinking I'm some crazy fighter guy who lost control and beat up his wife, and secondly I don't want the guys in class thinking that because he keeps mentioning it, that I'm some kind of arrogant badass. Talking about how badass you are to a bunch of criminals is a good way to get your car keyed.
Anyway, I'll try and get back on track here.
It's almost time for another Crazy School session. Last week was pretty uneventful. We pretty much spent the whole time talking about how we felt when the Crazy Redneck was going off in class. For some reason Todd kept coming back to me. Also, he makes it a habit to mention me cagefighting, or being in martial arts about once every five minutes in case anybody forgot. It makes me a little self conscious for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don't want people thinking I'm some crazy fighter guy who lost control and beat up his wife, and secondly I don't want the guys in class thinking that because he keeps mentioning it, that I'm some kind of arrogant badass. Talking about how badass you are to a bunch of criminals is a good way to get your car keyed.
Anyway, I'll try and get back on track here.
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